A little how-to for you liars.

Apparently, some people never learn. They make the same mistakes over and over again and lie about it. Here’s the thing, you really should get your shit together and figure out what is you want before you’re left cold and alone. However, since you’re obviously not going to do that, here are a few tips so you don’t get caught next time.

1. Do not leave your Facebook left signed in on the computer of the girl who are lying to. She WILL go through your shit. As you learned. You get a point here.

2. Do NOT leave your phone lying around where it can be accessed by anyone. 

3. If you’re going to leave it laying around, LOCK it. Smartphones have this feature for a reason. To keep deceived women from getting into your phone. Technology really does make it so easy to be a dog. Hmmm…

4. If you are not going to lock your phone, DELETE the messages that prove you are a dirty, shady mother fucker. Otherwise, said woman might just happen to read your phone and find all of the shit you’ve been up to.

5. NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances tell a woman you love her while you’re also telling three other women. 

6. Learn who you have to lie to and who you don’t. I don’t care if you want to sleep with every woman this side of the Mason-Dixon (which apparently you do), JUST TELL ME! 

7. If you are in the process of regaining someone’s trust, going behind that person’s back AGAIN is probably not going to win you any points.

8. And this is the best piece of advice I can give to a liar… DO NOT LIE! STOP DOING SHADY SHIT! Grow up. Be a man. You’ll earn a hell of a lot more respect in this world.

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Turn that frown upside down…

There was a time that whenever I heard this song, I could not do anything but cry. The first note would hit the radio and a tear would come to my eye. I would drive down the road, staring out of my windshield through wet eyes, wiping tears from my face. I always associated this song with a certain man leaving my life. However, I came to learn that this song means something different, something more.
Last night, as I was driving home from work, this song came on the radio. I turned it up, and just listened, thinking “oh great, here come the tears”. Much to my surprise, the tears ever came. Instead, I could do nothing but smile. As I listened to the lyrics, I remembered the night that this song became that special song.
I was sitting in front of a 7-11 on Broad Street. I had just left work and was driving the man I was dating at the time home. I had first heard the song about a month prior and asked him to learn it for me. He was one hell of a singer. He had been listening to and singing this song like ten times a day every day for two weeks and never gotten it perfect.
So here we are, in the car and he’s just singing away. Only this time, he nailed it. The one part he always faltered on, he hit perfectly and his face just lit up. It was liking looking into the face of an eight year old boy at Christmas who had just gotten the one thing he’d always wanted. He was so proud of himself. That is one of my most favorite moments spent with this man.
Last night as I listened to the song and smiled, I pictured his face. His smile always filled me with joy. In that moment, I knew his pride was not only about him, but me too. He did that for me. He learned and sang that song at Karaoke because I asked him to. And that is one of the sweetest things a man has ever done for me. For that and all of the memories, I thank him.

Have a little fun with it!!!

For those of you that don’t know, I’m going to take some time to explain exactly what it is I do for a living. My title is poker tournament director. It sounds pretty straight forward and it is. I walk into a bar or restaurant, set up tables with cards and chips, and people sit down to play poker. During the course of a tournament, I keep track of blinds (time and amount), and keep track of who goes out when. If I’m not in the game, I deal the game when it is down to six people until the end. The next day, I go onto the computer and I enter points into my league’s database. The points accumulate and people get to play in seasonal tournaments for seats in poker tournaments at casinos or for cash. My job is simple and fun. Well, it should be fun.

Free poker in Virginia has a fairly large following. There are quite a few leagues and quite a few tournament directors. I’m sure all of them will tell you the same thing I’m telling you in this blog. There are players that I love to see come out and play. They sit down, they have a good time, and they make the experience enjoyable. There are also the players that you dread to see come out. They take things too seriously. They cause issues and drama. They bring down the mood of the entire game. For the most part, these players are few and far between. However, just seeing their faces can be a game changer. Even more so, a mood changer. I understand poker is a competition and everyone wants to win. Honestly though, at the end of the day, we all know this is NOT the World Series of Poker and none of us are professionals. We are just a large group of people that share a love of the game and want to have fun playing it.

I have seen people yell and scream at one another. I have seen people throw fists. I have seen families not speak for months at a time. All over FREE poker. I understand the frustration in losing and losing bad. I understand the frustration when someone calls your pocket aces with 2/4 off and flushes or straightens out on you. It happens, it is poker. We can all say all day long that we never make bad calls or we would not play the same way in a game for money but we all know that that is bullshit. We see cards, we figure out our mood, we study our chip stack, we look at who is in the hand and we determine from there whether or not we are going to play the off suit trash in our hand at that given moment. In any given league, on any given night, you’re going to have sharks and you’re going to have donkeys. I personally do not believe the free poker is any indication of the quality of a player. At the end of the day, no one cares who the best is. Monthly winners get bragging rights for a couple of days. Tournament winners get a day of glory on the trip of their choice or spending the money they won in said tournament. Honestly, does your life change because you won poker in a free league?

My point is this. Calm down. Don’t take it too seriously. Start having fun and your game will improve. At the end of every month, you won’t have the stress and headache of taking people out or people taking you out and getting more points than you. Free poker is a form of entertainment. We are here to provide fun and laughs, not stress and tears. Yes, we all want to win as much as the next guy, but the world does not end if we don’t. I can’t guarantee you a win at any of my games, but I can guarantee you’ll leave in a great mood from having a great time. Save the serious play and attitude for the day you finally make it to the big leagues. 😉 

It’s all about the presentation…

Quite often you hear men and women bitching about how they can’t find that right person. They want someone who wants them for all of the right reasons and that’s totally understandable. Everyone wants someone that loves them for who they are and not what you can do for them. I hear women complaining about wanting a man who appreciates them for being more than a pretty face or a sexual being. I hear men whining about women only wanting them for their money or sex (rare, but it happens). 

I think as humans, we are all starved for attention and companionship regardless of our level of self esteem or happiness. We are programmed to believe that in order to achieve true happiness we must find our soul mate. Due to this glitch in human thinking, so many are willing to do whatever it takes to get that ‘love’ from someone. Blinded by loneliness, we project this image of someone that we are not because we believe that is what the other person wants. For fear that I’m not making sense, allow me to provide an example.

A male friend of mine and I had a conversation the other day about this. He says he wants a woman who wants him for something other than his money and his sexual skill. Now keep in mind, I have NO clue how much skill he has, I’m only going by what he says. He does however make a good living. He owns his own home, a nice car, pays a large child support monthly and still has money to play around with. In our talks about him and the women he encounters, he tells me how he loans them money and is very generous. I’ve heard him on more than one occasion flaunt his wealth. I’ve also heard him state many times that he is not in any position to be in a relationship. Ok, I’m a woman. And as a woman, I know what we will go through just to be with a man that we like. I told him that if he wants a woman to actually date him, he needs to present himself to be available for that, which he does not.

Another example… I hear women bitch constantly about how they want a man to see them for the intelligent, humorous, caring women they are not. They want a man to see more than what is between their legs, then they turn around and make sexual jokes on the regular. These same women are going on about what they can and are willing to do in the bedroom with men they barely know. I understand that we as humans are sexual creatures, but there is more to life than that. 

The point is, we are never going to find the one who appreciates us for who we are if we do not show these people that side. If you don’t want a man to only want you for sex, do not present yourself as being about that. If what’s in your wallet is not what you want women to see, don’t tell them what’s there. Converse with people. Show them what you have to offer on a level that is deeper than the physical. And yes I’m being a hypocrite when I say this, but you have to open yourself to things beyond sexuality in order to get to that raw emotional connection. Trust me, I know it isn’t easy.

This is why I’ve made the decisions I have in the past few months. Abstaining has shown me a whole new light. Do I still make jokes and flirt? Absolutely. However, I’ve changed the way I present myself on quite a few levels. It’s not a complete 180 yet, but I’m getting there and I’m learning. If I had it all figured out, I wouldn’t still be sitting here pondering all of life’s little mysteries. However, I’m enjoying getting to know people on a different level and its been more than worth it. 

So… if you want a someone to love  you for you, show them you! Don’t present an image that you are trying to avoid just so that person will like you. The real ones, the ones worth having, will appreciate the true person that you are. 🙂

For my soul mate, Heether!!

We go through life thinking there is one person for us all. That one great love who will make us happy and we’ll get forever with. Why does our soul mate have to be a lover? I don’t think that is necessarily always the case. I’m convinced that the one person in my life that is not family that will always be there no matter what is my best friend Heather. She’s stood by me through a marriage, a separation, three kids, sooo many broken hearts, losing three good friends. You name it, Heather has been there for it. I’m convinced there is not a better friend. Even when she has her own shit, she makes sure I’m doing ok and that I don’t need anything. She is the ONLY friend I’ve ever had that has not been selfish. And for all of those reasons, I love her dearly and will fight to the death for her.
So often in this life we let things and people go without them knowing what we think and what they mean to us. This was just my way of telling Heather thank you for all that she does for me.
I LOVE YOU HEETHER!!!!

Hypocrisy, much?!

Why is it that humans are so quick to point out flaws in everyone else, but we never see the same things in ourselves? I’m truly sick of watching people call others out on the behavior that they exhibit on a consistent basis. It used to be funny to be, now it’s just aggravating. Everyone has seen it and everyone has done it. Go to a bar and watch the way women behave. The chick with her boobs hanging out the most is commenting on the chick across the room with the shortest skirt on. “That bitch has to be half naked to get attention from men”! HEY, LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS HANGING OUT!! Chances are, if you’re calling someone an attention whore, you are doing it for one of two reasons: a) you are pissed she is getting more attention than you, or b) you are doing it to get attention. In most cases you are doing it for both reasons. Ignore the fact that women are using the wrong assets to get attention; that’s truly another blog entirely. Women get in fights over this thing all the time. They are catty, vindictive and just evil sometimes; especially when it comes to men! Look,if it’s a big enough deal that a man says hi to me, you can have him. I’m not going to fight over it. However, do not get mad at me if I’ve done nothing to warrant or encourage the attention. Be woman enough to tell me that it pisses you off, though. Sadly, so many women usually are not. And if he is YOUR man, then talk to him about the issue; don’t get pissy with me! 

My point is this… examine your OWN behavior before calling someone else out on their’s. Yes, I’m guilty of this too and it is something I’m working on. Step back, take a look at what you do before coming down on someone else for doing the same thing. Hypocrisy gets you nowhere in this life!

Unsettling

In the past three years, I feel I’ve matured a lot; emotionally, anyhow.  I’m aware of my flaws and have no issues admitting them. I accept them and I cope. That’s the first step right? I’m a smart ass. I’m jaded and cynical. I’ve also been called a hard ass. I’m over-emotional and I tend to be over-dramatic. Add to that the cocky attitude with a touch of bitch and you pretty much have me in a nutshell. I’m no longer so easy to get along with. I make people work to prove worth before I’ll count them as anything more than just some person I met one time. I know I’m not easy to handle or deal with but I never knew how much so until I met  my emotional twin.

I have met a man who is identical to me in so many ways.  He is harder at heart than almost anyone I’ve ever met. He talks shit constantly and hates to be challenged. He’s combative, defensive, and arrogant. He claims his arrogance is just confidence. I understand him though. That’s the scary part. He talks around issues unless you come at him direct. He can answer a question while making you forget what the question is. When he’s been called out and can’t talk around an issue, he stutters. It’s actually rather comical. This man never saw me coming, just as I did not see him coming.

The point of all this is how unsettling it is to see someone with all the flaws I possess. I now understand what the people in my life have dealt with since I’ve become so jaded. Being jaded is not all bad. With that came confidence that I never knew before. I’m also quicker to speak my mind. But seeing all of this in him, makes me see what my friends deal with. It also shows me what possible suitors see. I’m not necessarily looking for a suitor but I’m more sympathetic to them in a way.  

It’s really unnerving to deal with someone on a daily basis knowing that this is what my friends are thinking. How have they dealt with me for this long and not said a word?! This man frustrates me to no end even though I know how to deal with him. I’m one of few who can shut him up, just as he can with me. And believe me when I say, anyone who knows me will tell you that’s a talent within itself. I have an answer for everything!  I suppose my interaction with him has shown me how I come off to others and it’s time for me to decide if that’s what I want people to see. 

Maybe it’s time to let the walls down. I’ll never have the things that I’m not open to. And I’m not sure that’s the life I want to live. Time to reevaluate… Again.

Dear… Hell you know this is for you

So much to say and not sure how to say it. The last thing I want to do is offend you more but I feel the need to make you understand why I  made the choice that I did.  I never meant to hurt you or give you the impression that I had lost faith in you.  I know you are more than capable of doing great things.  However, I think that at times others have more faith in you than you do yourself.  You have great ideas, you just have to implement them and follow through.  At the point that all of this went down, I was in no position to stop what I was doing and venture out.  I had to worry about my family first. I know you understand that. I truly hope that after I spill my guts in this very public forum that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Bottom line, I miss you. I miss the fifty phone calls a day I bitched about. I miss having you there to listen when I need to vent.  I miss the debates, the arguing, the fun.  Even the smallest things happen and when I go to pick up my phone to call, I realize that I am the last person you want to see calling your phone.  I know I’m a bitch and that I’m loud and overwhelming. You were the one person who never complained about it. You actually defended me regarding it. You let everyone know that that it was who I am and they could take it or leave it. I did not have to defend me when you were around because you were always quick to do it for me. As much as I bitched that I’m a big girl and can take care of myself, I also appreciated that about you.

Maybe that’s the problem. I guess I took you for granted and I never meant to.  At the end of the day, I just thought you knew how much I truly appreciated the things you did for me. I never thought about saying thank you and that was wrong of me.  For that, I truly apologize. You did more for me than just about anyone else in my life and I never should have let that go unnoticed.

I cannot fathom the idea that our friendship is over. I know I do not want it to be. I understand, however, if it is. I just could not let it go without telling you that I truly am sorry for the way things happened. I wish you the best in everything that you do, and I truly hope that things go the way you want them. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world. No matter what happens, you will always hold a special place in my heart as my big brother and my best friend. I love you. 😦

Senseless

Today started just like any other day.  Parents kissed their kids goodbye and sent them off to school expecting to see them this afternoon to hear about their day.  Parents of twenty children did not get to hear those excited stories about arts and crafts, or recess. Parents of twenty children didn’t get that much-needed hug after a long, tiring day at work.  Parents of twenty children do not get to tuck their children into bed tonight after watching Christmas stories on TV. Instead, they are left to grieve the loss of the most precious things they have.  Nothing can ever replace a loved one.  It’s truly that much harder when it’s a child.

We, as parents, expect to see our children grow up, graduate high school and college, start careers, get married.  We never expect that we will be burying them. On the off change that it happens that way, there is usually a logical explanation.  Children die of cancer every day.  Car accidents happen. SIDS, heart conditions, and so many other things claim lives of children.  I am not saying that the way you lose a child makes it any easier, but no one expects to hear that their child was shot while at school.  Sadly, this is becoming more and more prevalent.  In most cases, you can look and see that children were bullied or felt they had been wronged by the person they pulled the trigger on.  This is wrong.  SO WRONG!

Today, something even worse happened.  A  young man went after his mother and took out twenty innocent children.  I do not know what this man has gone through in his life and what possessed to do such a thing.  No one deserves this, but those babies deserved it even less.  What happens in a person’s head to think this is okay?  Why does one ever believe that killing anyone will solve anything?  I keep seeing people post about the ‘sick fuck’ that did this.  They are going on about evil and crazy and so many other adjectives that very well could fit. Sadly, people live with the illnesses that this man suffered from every day. Why doesn’t anyone recognize that while yes this is his fault, there is undoubtedly something else that was going on.  None of this will ever make sense.  However, we can at least try to get a better understanding of this man and what was going on in his head.  Understanding what makes people do these things can help professionals find a way to keep others from doing such things in the future.

I’ve also seen so many going on about how awful this is at Christmastime.  Would this be less awful if it happened in May, or July? No, it would not.  Twenty children were senselessly killed.  I know the holidays will be harder, but I’m truly sick of people acting like this would be easier to take at any other time in the year. Tomorrow, parents are going to have to find a way to salvage what is left of their lives.  Some of them might not have anything else.  Some will have to find a way to explain this to other children.  There are also those, like me, who have to find a way to explain to their children what happened and get through it without being able to give them a reason why.

So far, Ellie is the only one who has had questions.  She’s content right now with just knowing what happened. Connor is oblivious to any of this, which I do thank God for.  Dalton just remains silent about it all.  I think that scares me more than anything.  He is my worrier.  He cares too much sometimes and suffers for it.  He’s too much like me in so many ways.  I’d love to be able to look at three and tell them that it’s all going to be okay.  It never will be.  I do not tell them this, but I look at them and live in fear that they can be taken away at any minute.  As much as I’d love to, I cannot always protect them. I do not want them to leave the house looking over their shoulders all the time scared that something will happen.  That’s my job.

So tonight, I looked at my children all night.  Every time, I couldn’t do much more than smile and cry.  I’m so happy they are okay and so scared that they won’t always be.  There is no greater love than that of a parent for their child. I make sure they know that.  My children will always know that I love them and how great that I think they are.  Tonight, as a family, for the first time in over twenty years, we sat down and watched Rudolph.  My mom and dad, me, and all three of my kids sat and watched a classic Christmas show.  As much as I enjoyed it, I could not help but to think of how many of those parents were missing out on that tonight.  For the next few days, or possibly longer, I’ll hold them a little tighter and hug them a little longer.  And in the long run, I’ll appreciate them so much more.

For those involved in this tragedy, I feel for you and my heart truly goes out to you. I hope you find comfort in the fact that parents all over the world are thinking of you and praying for you. Those little angels are looking over mommy and daddy and hoping you can find a way to be happy again one day without them, as hard as it’s going to be. God needed them to do great things up there. To the little angels, you will be missed by millions of people who did not even know you.  The world is crying for the loss of you and they recognize how special each one of you were.  I pray tonight for all involved.

God Bless

–JoneyPie 🙂

Reviving Family Traditions

I come from a very large family.  My mother is one of four children; herself, a sister, a brother and one deceased sister.  My father has six brothers and sisters, three of each.  I have two siblings, at last ten cousins on each side, my own children, a few nieces, and my cousins have children. Growing up, my families did everything together; pool parties, cookouts, birthdays, holidays, Sunday dinners.  Any reason we could find to get together, we did it!  One of my fondest memories, though, was of my Grandmother Hurley’s Apple Butter Day.  Members from both sides of my family would gather.  We would peel, cut and core (well the my mom and aunts would, I was YOUNG!), cook and stir, and can the best apple butter you’ve ever tasted.  It was not about how the apple butter tasted, however. The whole day was about family and spending that time together.  As Granny got older, Apple Butter Day ceased to exist, along with so many other family traditions.  Ten years ago, she passed away taking that recipe and annual event to the grave with her.  The family just let it go.  Well,  a few weeks ago, I decided it was time to bring it back.

Granny Hurley and her favorite patchwork dress!

I am not even sure what sparked the interest, but somehow I go the idea that my family needed to try to recreate that apple butter.  I started talking to my parents and my uncle about the process and everything that this would entail.  Granny was an old school cook; every recipe was stored in her head and never written down.  Add to that the facts that she never measured anything and the only person who knew how to make this stuff was my aunt Shelb who passed away as well, we were in trouble!  We were going to have to wing it!  Granny and Shelb controlled the entire process and adding of the ingredients. Everyone else were just helpers.  They basically did what Granny told them to do when she told them to do it.

As I continued to talk to everyone about it, there was genuine interest.  My daddy informed us that my uncle Charles still had Granny’s big kettle.  My uncle Skinny remembered the paddle and told me he could make a new one, and my mom remembered that Granny used cinnamon oil. KEY ASPECTS!!!  Family members started to remember little things that gave me hope that we could actually do this.  I was excited!  My sister and I started looking up recipes and researching apples.  I made phone calls, checked schedules, and we set a date.  My family was actually overjoyed to make this day happen.  There was no doubt in my mind that Granny was up there pulling some strings for me!

Finally the day arrived; October 13th, 2012, Apple Butter Day!!  It was a chilly morning, a perfect reminder that Fall was here.  The crisp air added to that nostalgic feeling that this day already possessed.  My mom, dad, cousin, aunt, children and I had spent the night before peeling, coring and cutting three of the four bushels of apples we bought.  The men gathered that morning and started the fire and we started cooking some apples.  Making apple butter the old-fashioned way is a an all day job.  We started at 8 a.m. and did not finish until around five p.m..  Twenty-five people showed up at my house that day.  Every single one of them worked hard to get this process down.  My mom and cousin David cooked an amazing lunch for everyone.  My cousin Eddie brought cornhole and the kids and adults had a blast trying to master the game.  Children ran around the yard, rode bikes, played baseball, football and soccer, and the older girls helped stir the concoction. ( I say concoction because at this point, I have NO clue how it’s going to end up.)  We ate, we drank, we laughed!

My daddy, Auntie Kathy and Uncle Rocky with the best apple butter ever!!

After all was said and done, the apple butter actually tasted just like my grandmother’s, or so they say, I don’t quite remember how hers tasted.  Everyone was very pleased with the outcome.  My aunt even made labels that said “Granny Hurley’s Apple Butter (we hope!)  I’m so happy we succeeded.  At the end of the day, my family had about 120 pints of apple butter to divide and take home.  Even more importantly, we had new memories of an old family tradition.  I’m positive Granny Hurley was smiling in heaven that day. 🙂

I’d like to thank my family for humoring throughout this process.  I’m not sure any of them realized how much it meant to have them all here make this happen.  I hope they all know how dear I hold them all to my heart.  The day could not have turned out better!!!!