Dear Ex-Best Friend…

Dear Ex-Best friend,

There are some things I believe that went unsaid and I need to get them off of my chest to gain complete closure. I’ve said all of my apologies but I’ll say them again. I cannot apologize enough for the role I played in the destruction of our friendship. At the time of our disagreement, my apologies included a lot of “buts” and “howevers”. If those are added, the sentiment is lost. Regardless of your actions, mine should have gone differently. Instead of discussing how your actions were bothering me, I chose to let them simmer and fester and grow. Yes, I knew better; no, I did not care (at that time). With that being said:

I am sorry that I did not do what I had committed to. I did fail in that aspect and I see now how wrong that was. I hope (if you read this), you can accept it.

At the time everything went on, I was so mad that I did not realize how hurt I was. I continued to be mad for quite some time. So much time that I still could not see the hurt that I suffered. It is now starting to set in. What I feel now is pure sadness. My heart is broken that you could possibly think that I was using you for my own personal gain. In just over five years of friendship, we went through a lot. More than most friendships can stand but we came out better every time. From my break up with Robbie, yours with Sierra, your coke addiction, a few business fails, and two other catastrophic losses in my life, we were there for one another through it all. As often as you were an ass, you were just as often one of the kindest people I knew.

All of that was gone in an instant over something so trivial and stupid. I admit now that I never believed that Save the Name would be anything grand or financially beneficial. I jumped on board because you believed in it and I believed in you. In a way, I guess I idolized you. You were my big brother. You could do anything. And you always have great ideas, you just suck at follow through sometimes. At the end of the day, I just could not put as much heart and soul into it as you did. Looking back, I wish I would have just told you that sooner. Maybe all of this could have been avoided.

I will not lie, I do miss you. There are times when something stupid happens and I pick up the phone to call you and realize that you are not available to me any longer. It sucks. A lot. Yet, I realize it’s something that I have to live with.

I just want you to know that I forgive you. Not for you, but for me. I have to to move on. I hope you can forgive me as well, for you. I’m sure you already have. You were always better at that than I was. Also, I wish you the best in everything. I hope you find that one thing that can make you set for life. Not only financially but mentally and spiritually. I hope you find the one thing that can make you happier than you’ve ever been. I hope you have the family you always wanted and the amazing things you strive for. Most of all, I hope you find you. I know you were working on it, but I’m not sure you were quite there. And I admit I have no clue now. You’re better than you let people see. You’re better than you let yourself see. Be the man that I know you can be, the man that I had faith in, the man I so looked up to. Part of me still does and always will adore you, and I will always cherish the time we spent as friends and the lessons you taught me.

Goodbye Good Sir.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-best friend

A<3

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