My life has a distinct pattern: I date and play the field for a bit, end up in a dead end relationship, end said relationship, spend some time single. Repeat pattern. Over and over and over again.

Throughout this wretched pattern, a few major players are always hanging around; the three men who have never given me the chance to make things real with them. There was never any commitment with these men. No labels. No expectations. Yet, these are the only men I have ever truly been in love with. 

Gosh, three! Is that a lot? It sounds like a lot, especially since I’m not with any of them now. Whatever happened to getting it right the first time? Is that even possible anymore? Of my closest friends, none are married. Only one is in a relationship that he is truly happy in. The rest are single or in a crappy relationship, yet they remain there.

Is being alone really that scary? Sometimes, I think most would be better off that way. My ex-mother-mother-in-law did it. And she is truly the strongest, most well rounded woman I know. I think she had the right idea. Dating just is not worth it. And being single in your 30’s seems to give people the idea that you have the plague or something. Recently, a friend of mine, a single mother of two boys, talked to me about wanting to switch churches because the one she attends is not good about including uncoupled people. Couples hang with couples. Same thing when your friend starts dating someone new and you’re not. Here you are, single and bored, and he or she is going on about the awesome date she had last night. As you listen, you’re consciously counting the coming weeks when you will be ignored because something different has come around. It’s truly a bittersweet scenario. “YAY!!! She’s happy”, and “GRR!!! This bitch’s happiness is annoying the hell out me. She’s so in love it’s sickening!” constantly battle in your head.

Of course, you know that in a few months, you’ll listen to her whine about her ‘new’ guy and how he pissed her off. Enter the bells and whistles singing “Thank God I’m single!!!”. Because you know with every ounce of your being that every man is an asshole or every woman is a bitch and you are SO much better off not having to deal with that BS!!

The problem is that not every man is an asshole, and not every woman is a bitch. The person who cheated on their last partner might not cheat on the next. That man who screwed you over won’t screw over all of them. People change. They grow. they learn. It sucks that you have to be their learning experience, but you’ve had yours too.

What it boils down to is that everyone has had their heart broken. Everyone has broken a heart or two. Being jaded and cynical will not hurt anyone but yourself. Maybe at some point, one of the great three will be different. Maybe not. All I can do is sit back and let life pay out. The challenge is doing it with an open mind and giving the benefit of the doubt. Let’s see how this goes!!!


–ARJ ❤


One thought on “Learning….

  1. As I read this a quote I like came to mind…”Your best teacher is your last mistake.” One thing I do know for sure is you cannot change another person to suit you, you must change yourself to suit you…..good rantings….enjoyed reading it.

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