Quite often you hear men and women bitching about how they can’t find that right person. They want someone who wants them for all of the right reasons and that’s totally understandable. Everyone wants someone that loves them for who they are and not what you can do for them. I hear women complaining about wanting a man who appreciates them for being more than a pretty face or a sexual being. I hear men whining about women only wanting them for their money or sex (rare, but it happens).
I think as humans, we are all starved for attention and companionship regardless of our level of self esteem or happiness. We are programmed to believe that in order to achieve true happiness we must find our soul mate. Due to this glitch in human thinking, so many are willing to do whatever it takes to get that ‘love’ from someone. Blinded by loneliness, we project this image of someone that we are not because we believe that is what the other person wants. For fear that I’m not making sense, allow me to provide an example.
A male friend of mine and I had a conversation the other day about this. He says he wants a woman who wants him for something other than his money and his sexual skill. Now keep in mind, I have NO clue how much skill he has, I’m only going by what he says. He does however make a good living. He owns his own home, a nice car, pays a large child support monthly and still has money to play around with. In our talks about him and the women he encounters, he tells me how he loans them money and is very generous. I’ve heard him on more than one occasion flaunt his wealth. I’ve also heard him state many times that he is not in any position to be in a relationship. Ok, I’m a woman. And as a woman, I know what we will go through just to be with a man that we like. I told him that if he wants a woman to actually date him, he needs to present himself to be available for that, which he does not.
Another example… I hear women bitch constantly about how they want a man to see them for the intelligent, humorous, caring women they are not. They want a man to see more than what is between their legs, then they turn around and make sexual jokes on the regular. These same women are going on about what they can and are willing to do in the bedroom with men they barely know. I understand that we as humans are sexual creatures, but there is more to life than that.
The point is, we are never going to find the one who appreciates us for who we are if we do not show these people that side. If you don’t want a man to only want you for sex, do not present yourself as being about that. If what’s in your wallet is not what you want women to see, don’t tell them what’s there. Converse with people. Show them what you have to offer on a level that is deeper than the physical. And yes I’m being a hypocrite when I say this, but you have to open yourself to things beyond sexuality in order to get to that raw emotional connection. Trust me, I know it isn’t easy.
This is why I’ve made the decisions I have in the past few months. Abstaining has shown me a whole new light. Do I still make jokes and flirt? Absolutely. However, I’ve changed the way I present myself on quite a few levels. It’s not a complete 180 yet, but I’m getting there and I’m learning. If I had it all figured out, I wouldn’t still be sitting here pondering all of life’s little mysteries. However, I’m enjoying getting to know people on a different level and its been more than worth it.
So… if you want a someone to love you for you, show them you! Don’t present an image that you are trying to avoid just so that person will like you. The real ones, the ones worth having, will appreciate the true person that you are. 🙂