Dear… Hell you know this is for you

So much to say and not sure how to say it. The last thing I want to do is offend you more but I feel the need to make you understand why I  made the choice that I did.  I never meant to hurt you or give you the impression that I had lost faith in you.  I know you are more than capable of doing great things.  However, I think that at times others have more faith in you than you do yourself.  You have great ideas, you just have to implement them and follow through.  At the point that all of this went down, I was in no position to stop what I was doing and venture out.  I had to worry about my family first. I know you understand that. I truly hope that after I spill my guts in this very public forum that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Bottom line, I miss you. I miss the fifty phone calls a day I bitched about. I miss having you there to listen when I need to vent.  I miss the debates, the arguing, the fun.  Even the smallest things happen and when I go to pick up my phone to call, I realize that I am the last person you want to see calling your phone.  I know I’m a bitch and that I’m loud and overwhelming. You were the one person who never complained about it. You actually defended me regarding it. You let everyone know that that it was who I am and they could take it or leave it. I did not have to defend me when you were around because you were always quick to do it for me. As much as I bitched that I’m a big girl and can take care of myself, I also appreciated that about you.

Maybe that’s the problem. I guess I took you for granted and I never meant to.  At the end of the day, I just thought you knew how much I truly appreciated the things you did for me. I never thought about saying thank you and that was wrong of me.  For that, I truly apologize. You did more for me than just about anyone else in my life and I never should have let that go unnoticed.

I cannot fathom the idea that our friendship is over. I know I do not want it to be. I understand, however, if it is. I just could not let it go without telling you that I truly am sorry for the way things happened. I wish you the best in everything that you do, and I truly hope that things go the way you want them. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world. No matter what happens, you will always hold a special place in my heart as my big brother and my best friend. I love you. 😦

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