Today started just like any other day. Parents kissed their kids goodbye and sent them off to school expecting to see them this afternoon to hear about their day. Parents of twenty children did not get to hear those excited stories about arts and crafts, or recess. Parents of twenty children didn’t get that much-needed hug after a long, tiring day at work. Parents of twenty children do not get to tuck their children into bed tonight after watching Christmas stories on TV. Instead, they are left to grieve the loss of the most precious things they have. Nothing can ever replace a loved one. It’s truly that much harder when it’s a child.
We, as parents, expect to see our children grow up, graduate high school and college, start careers, get married. We never expect that we will be burying them. On the off change that it happens that way, there is usually a logical explanation. Children die of cancer every day. Car accidents happen. SIDS, heart conditions, and so many other things claim lives of children. I am not saying that the way you lose a child makes it any easier, but no one expects to hear that their child was shot while at school. Sadly, this is becoming more and more prevalent. In most cases, you can look and see that children were bullied or felt they had been wronged by the person they pulled the trigger on. This is wrong. SO WRONG!
Today, something even worse happened. A young man went after his mother and took out twenty innocent children. I do not know what this man has gone through in his life and what possessed to do such a thing. No one deserves this, but those babies deserved it even less. What happens in a person’s head to think this is okay? Why does one ever believe that killing anyone will solve anything? I keep seeing people post about the ‘sick fuck’ that did this. They are going on about evil and crazy and so many other adjectives that very well could fit. Sadly, people live with the illnesses that this man suffered from every day. Why doesn’t anyone recognize that while yes this is his fault, there is undoubtedly something else that was going on. None of this will ever make sense. However, we can at least try to get a better understanding of this man and what was going on in his head. Understanding what makes people do these things can help professionals find a way to keep others from doing such things in the future.
I’ve also seen so many going on about how awful this is at Christmastime. Would this be less awful if it happened in May, or July? No, it would not. Twenty children were senselessly killed. I know the holidays will be harder, but I’m truly sick of people acting like this would be easier to take at any other time in the year. Tomorrow, parents are going to have to find a way to salvage what is left of their lives. Some of them might not have anything else. Some will have to find a way to explain this to other children. There are also those, like me, who have to find a way to explain to their children what happened and get through it without being able to give them a reason why.
So far, Ellie is the only one who has had questions. She’s content right now with just knowing what happened. Connor is oblivious to any of this, which I do thank God for. Dalton just remains silent about it all. I think that scares me more than anything. He is my worrier. He cares too much sometimes and suffers for it. He’s too much like me in so many ways. I’d love to be able to look at three and tell them that it’s all going to be okay. It never will be. I do not tell them this, but I look at them and live in fear that they can be taken away at any minute. As much as I’d love to, I cannot always protect them. I do not want them to leave the house looking over their shoulders all the time scared that something will happen. That’s my job.
So tonight, I looked at my children all night. Every time, I couldn’t do much more than smile and cry. I’m so happy they are okay and so scared that they won’t always be. There is no greater love than that of a parent for their child. I make sure they know that. My children will always know that I love them and how great that I think they are. Tonight, as a family, for the first time in over twenty years, we sat down and watched Rudolph. My mom and dad, me, and all three of my kids sat and watched a classic Christmas show. As much as I enjoyed it, I could not help but to think of how many of those parents were missing out on that tonight. For the next few days, or possibly longer, I’ll hold them a little tighter and hug them a little longer. And in the long run, I’ll appreciate them so much more.
For those involved in this tragedy, I feel for you and my heart truly goes out to you. I hope you find comfort in the fact that parents all over the world are thinking of you and praying for you. Those little angels are looking over mommy and daddy and hoping you can find a way to be happy again one day without them, as hard as it’s going to be. God needed them to do great things up there. To the little angels, you will be missed by millions of people who did not even know you. The world is crying for the loss of you and they recognize how special each one of you were. I pray tonight for all involved.