This week has been interesting to say the least.  After two incidents with ‘exes’, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it is not a good idea to be friends with previous lovers or boyfriends or whatever you want to call these gentlemen.  And, I use the term gentlemen loosely at this point.  Here’s how I’m going to play this one.  I’ll give you the scenario EXACTLY as it happened, you tell me what you think.  Sounds fun right?  Well, here goes. 🙂

I’ll start with a brief history before I get to the incidents.   J and I’s history is long and drawn out.  I met him just after my separation from my husband and we were friends for a while because he had a girlfriend.  Somewhere along the way, our relationship became more so.  I was madly in love with this man.  However, we never defined or put a label on our relationship.  It always seemed there was some reason we couldn’t be together.  We lost touch, I dated Robbie for three years and even after rebuilding that friendship with J, I had to let him go to salvage what I could not see was already a doomed relationship.  Robbie and I break up, J and I become friends again.  Even though he’s a bit torn and jilted because I so abruptly ended the friendship.  Eventually we got back to where we used to be on the friends side of things.  I started dating B (who is involved in incident number two but I’m getting ahead of myself).  B up and moves to Seattle under the pretense that he’ll never live in VA again.  For a few months we talk and still trade I love you’s and pictures and what not.  All the while, J and I are becoming closer friends, just like old times.  This is where things start to get complicated.  J begins to tell me that when I ‘dropped’ him, he had already fallen in love with me and I crushed his world.  He told me he loves me, that I’ll always be his girl, and that he’d love to try again with me.  In the same token, he understands where my heart is and that he is not going anywhere.  At this point, I’m faced with a tough decision.  I am truly in love with B, but am not sure that I can wait forever.  I decide that I cannot.  About two weeks ago, I let him know.  He let me walk without a fight.  Told me that he understands, that we will always talk but that we cannot think about what might have been.  It breaks my heart but I begin to let go of the man I believe to be my soulmate and my true love.  During this time, I begin to realize that part of me is still in love with J.  At some point, I’d love to maybe try again with him.  Am I asking for that now?  Absolutely not.  And I’ve told him this over and over and over again.  However, any time I even flirt with him a little or mention hanging out as just friends, I get the speech about how I need to deal with the B situation.  Keep in mind, B has been gone for almost four months at this point.  I’ve dealt with him leaving and him never coming home.  I will always love him, but I know that he and I are not meant to be at this point.

Now to our incidents in question…

Incident #1 with J-  I text him often and ask him to bring me chocolate.  On this particular day when I said this to him, his reply was “ask trey”.  Thrae (the correct spelling) is a friend from high school who I was involved with years ago… who is a black man just as J is.  That’s the only reason I can figure he said to ask Thrae.. J always turned it into that joke… anywho….  I replied with this question: “For someone who is sooo not jealous, why is it that you always bring up the other men in my life?”  “It’s not jealousy”.  “Then what is it?”  “Amanda, you just broke up with your boyfriend three weeks ago, mend that wound first”.  Since when does a person have to mend a wound (that is not there by the way) before he or she can have friends?!?!  UGH

Incident #2 with B- I have not spoken with B since Saturday.  I texted him yesterday I believe with a good morning, hope you have a nice day message and got no reply.  Fine, no biggie.  Today, a mutual friend of ours posted a Metallica video on FaceBook saying how he’d forgotten how much he loved the song.  I commented with “But can you sing it? hahaha”  (this guy sings karaoke).  This afternoon, B texts me saying “S****, not a bad choice. Guess he gets the jersey”.  (B and I had a bet, I lost, he won a jersey that is on backorder and has not gotten to him yet).  I explained this to him and he sent a smiley face.  I replied with “Amazing.  All you care about is the jersey” ( I edited that btw, much less vulgarity for wordpress 🙂 ).  His reply: “And you being happy.  Being as the Commonwealth of Va is about to ban me, I thought you had found a ‘f**k buddy”.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!

Here’s my take.  You don’t want me, you have no say in who does or what I’m doing.  Both of those comments, in my opinion, were rude and wreaked of jealousy.  So, I am asking your opinions.  If I’m wrong, tell me.  If either of you ‘gentlemen’ read this and feel the need to comment, I welcome it.  I’m done with the games.  I’m 32 years old and I know what I want.  It’s not a friend who is going to constantly put out there that I have a wound to heal that is not there.  It’s also not a man 2800 miles away who is not man enough to just flat out say, “ok I love you, let’s find a way to work this out” OR man enough to let me let go.  I’m asking for nothing but friendship from EITHER.  Why is this so hard for people to understand?!?!

So.. here’s where you come in.. tell me what you think!!!  If I’m wrong.. or you think I am, by all means let me know.  I’m willing to listen to any and all angles!!!   ❤

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