All the things….

There’s so much I want to say to you but I know I’d be wasting my time.  Well, I think I would be.  I am not sure that anything I have to say to you would change the way you think or feel about this situation.  Granted, I have no idea what that is because well, you will not even talk to me.  Guess the next great thing came along.  Everything I thought you were, the person I just knew you would turn out to be… I am not sure I’ve ever been more wrong.  At this point, you’re a coward.

I guess I read all the signals wrong.  I never expected anything from you but what we had.  I never asked for anything more than what it was.  As a matter of fact, the only thing I ever asked for from you was honesty and I’m pretty positive that I never even got that from you.  Maybe it’s not meant for me to understand.  I’m honestly not even sure that I want to most of the time.  Hell, I’m not even positive what I do want.

What I can say is this.  Thank you.  Thank you for making me see that I can feel something that I never thought capable again after some of the shit that I’ve been through.  Thank you for showing me that I am beautiful no matter what.  You always made me feel that way. You didn’t even have to say it.  It was just that look you gave me.  Thank you for the fun, the good conversation, and the life lesson.  Regardless of it all, you’re still a pretty amazing person.  I just wish you knew that because I’m honestly not sure that you do.

It took me 31 years, three kids and a million heartaches to truly fall in love with myself.  And for the first time in my life, another heartache is not tearing me down.  Yes, I’m heartbroken that it seems our time together is over.  In a way, I do love you.  Not that head over heels, totally gaga, in love Love, but true, honest, sincere love.  It’s hard to explain.  And if I truly think about it, I do not owe you that.  I hope that wherever you end up and whatever you set out to do, you are happy and safe.  I hope you find what it is you are looking for, and I wish you the best.

Take care.  I love you.  And as much as I do not want it to be, I guess this is Goodbye Boston. 🙂

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