A friend in need…..

Bear with me if you will.  All of what I’m about to say has a point that will be made at the end of the blog…..  Picture this….

Two young people we shall call Billy and Jessica meet, fall in love and everything is wonderful and grand for about nine months.  That’s usually how it works right?  Something has to go wrong at some point.  Well, it did.  Jessica becomes addicted to pain pills and cheats on Billy not once, but twice.  One of the two times, she actually slept with his best friend at the time.  They break up briefly but Billy decides to forgive and help Jessica work through her addiction.  She sobers up, he lets go of the past and what she did while addicted and they start their happily ever after life all over again.  They eventually get married and things are sheer bliss.  Now, fast forward eleven months and we are staring at Monday night on our calendar.

Billy is at work and Jessica has gone to a friend’s house.  Well, when Billy calls Jessica, she does not answer.  He texts, she does not reply.  At some point (I’m confused of the order), Billy calls her friend and the friend claims Jessica is not there.  He decides on a gut shot to pull up family locator software on his phone and pinpoint her location.  When he talks to her, she claims she went to the store.  He knows she is lying.  In one fell swoop, every inkling of trust was thrown out of the window and old wounds opened back up.

Billy found out the truth.  Jessica was at a male friend’s house.  He did not know this guy and he was made aware that the guy does not like Billy.  He was livid.  How could this dude he had never met have any ill will towards him?  Jessica insisted nothing happened and that this man was just an old friend of the family.  She needed someone to talk to about things that had been bothering her involving her marriage to Billy.

Ok so here’s where I give you a little back story to catch you up.  Billy and Jessica did not have a perfect marriage.  The economy sucks, financial stress was killing them, and Billy was not having much luck finding a good steady job.  However, he was at least trying to a point.  He was aware that things were not perfect but he loved his wife and she loved him.  No issues had been brought up that could not easily be discussed between the two of them.  Back to the story…

Tuesday morning, Billy called his best friend to confess a few things.  I was on the other end of that phone call.  For a couple of months now, Billy has been dabbling in cocaine.  He became addicted.  Monday night, he confessed all of this to his wife.  He explained that he wanted to be done with it and was going to get help.  She suggested marriage counseling which he is all for.  Tuesday morning she called into work informing her boss that she was arguing with her husband and could come in.  Billy handed over all financial responsibility to Jessica giving up his ATM card and giving her control of all bank accounts.  He also admitted to her that he had been using money that should have gone to bills for his habit.  Naturally and understandably, Jessica was livid about all of this.

This is where the dilemma begins.  It would appear that Jessica is having issues forgiving Billy and trusting him considering that he lied to her.  She left yesterday and stayed at a friend’s house.  She went to work today and has not been back since.  They have continued to discuss things but have not really come to any conclusions.  At least not ones that Billy is satisfied with.  Conversations for the past two days have been about who he has told and what he has told them.  Jessica continues to go on about how she does not know if she can forgive him.  She has told her boss, her stepfather and all of her friends about the entire situation.  Billy feels as if he is being made out to be the bad guy.

That is about where we stand now.  I have received several calls from Billy and have tried to help to the best of my ability.  However, I have never had an addiction as strong as his.  And this is his second round with it.  His biggest question is where does he go from here?  He knows that he has to kick the habit and he is doing very well with that so far.  However, the marriage problems do not help.

Here is what I’ve told him and please tell me if I am wrong.  I am looking for mad feedback on this as is he.  Honestly, at this point, his marriage should be the least of his concerns.  I know he wants to make it work, however, he has to think about getting himself better first.  I feel he was supportive of her addiction and forgiving of her cheating two years ago, she should be more so now.  However, she claims that it is different because they were not married when she did what she did.  I must be honest, I am not a big fan of his wife anyway, however I do wish him all the happiness in the world.  She is what has made him happy since I’ve known him.

I am asking all of you to give what advice you can to me as a friend or even directly to him.  He reads my blog on a regular basis and asked me to help him out by posting this.  It takes a village to raise a child, right?  I’m begging you all to be his village and offer any advice or words of encouragement you can.  I also ask that you do not respond if you are going to be disrespectful or judgmental.  We all have demons and skeletons and it is not easy for him to confess all of this.  That would be why his name is changed.  If any of you think you know who I am talking about, please do not try to guess or mention names.  And keep all of this within your own mind.  This is nothing more than a cry for help that I hope all of you reading this can respect and keep quiet.  Thanks for your help.

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One thought on “A friend in need…..

  1. Well, to this Billy and his wife. I would say that taking vows, the words “I do” and “for better or worse” are the most meaningful. Having someone love you at your worst is the greatest compliment to a marriage. It seems to me that she doesn’t see that point. Loving Billy through the “worse” is what marriage stands on. Forgiveness. Regardless of the past, it’s the past for a reason. However, Billy holding on to an addiction is treacherous for any relationship. He must learn to love himself first and then, perhaps, the love from others can follow. He should find those who support him, open himself to healing and remind his wife that the vow “for better or worse” is concrete. If she does not agree to keep that vow, then he would sadly, be better of without her. I hope this view helps and I wish them both the stars. Good luck you two.

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